3 Weeks

Sometimes a cigarette is just a cigarette…

Cigarette Dream

When I was smoking I never dreamed about it.   Over the weekend I had a very vivid dream where I surrendered to the addiction.  As I began to dissect its meaning (which all in all was pretty obvious), I tried to recall other dreams over the years in which I smoked.  I couldn’t think of any (at least not from when I was actually smoking in real life).  It’s probably because during that time I would have enough during the day that it wasn’t necessary to fantasize about it at night.  Many dreams offer a reflection of our daily lives, shades of our reality depicted mostly in brief nonsensical vignettes.  It occurred to me that cigarettes should have made several cameos in my dreams; however, that was not the case.  All of my dreams about smoking took place as a non-smoker.  After quitting, and before starting as well…

I actually remember having a multitude of recurring dreams about smoking when I was a teenager.  All of my friends were smokers and I was extremely curious.  Even though it was only a dream I remember that smoking actually elicited a physical response.  I would light up, slowly inhale…and the experience was practically orgasmic.  Cigarettes were remarkably seductive.  Each time I was among friends I would start to remember my dream…how exciting smoking was…how exhilarating…within a few months I tried smoking for real.  When I finally did, the feeling of smoking did not match the intensity projected in the dream, but somehow was still enjoyable and exciting enough to continue.

As to be expected, these days I am dreaming about smoking quite frequently and in this case Dr. Freud, the cigarette is really just a cigarette.  After a 15 year hiatus from my dreams, smoking is no longer envisioned as mysterious and provocative like it once was.  With each imagined puff, comes guilt, anxiety and foreboding.   The post-quitting dream consists of a brief moment of enjoyment and familiarity, shortly followed by disappointment and a self-imposed lecture where I tell myself “you quitter of quitting! Now you’re gonna have to tell people you cheated!” 

Looking forward, I can only hope that the volume and intensity of these current dreams subsist.  In time, I believe the frequency will slow and maybe, (hopefully), even disappear all together.