Patience is a
virtue rarely, (if ever) bestowed upon the former smoker in the early stages of
quitting. My thirst for destruction is
at an all-time high. Yesterday I was
playing a game of pinball during my lunch break. As I continually lost game after game, it
took all my willpower to not take a chair and repeatedly hurl it up in the air
and smash the machine. Later on in the
day, I found myself shooting death stares at my coworker as she scccchlurrrpped
and chomped on a piece of gum. (Luckily
she couldn't see me silently cursing her name as I hid behind my computer
screen). I imagined myself climbing up
on my desk and lunging at her ninja style.
The cravings are
far less intense than they were last week. My thoughts of smoking recur less and less, and I don’t have to remind
myself that I don’t smoke as often.
Now that little thought bubble only appears once every 15 minutes
instead of once every 5. However, even
with these minor victories, I’m fairly sure that I am pretty unpleasant to be
around at the moment. It’s a bad sign
when you are fantasizing about judo chopping your coworker in two just because
she had the audacity to chew a piece of gum.
All this built up
tension and stress got me to thinking about balance. My daily routines were all balanced by an
equation that included a cigarette. Now
as I go through my day I feel like I’m stuck in that V-8 commercial from the 90’s; I’m constantly on walking on an angle trying
to make my way right-side-up. In the
commercial the characters would have a V-8 at the end and be able to walk
straight once again…unlike the commercial I am unable to have my cigarette in
order to stand normally again. If I didn't hate tomato juice so much I would just try the V-8…
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