3 Weeks

Sometimes a cigarette is just a cigarette…

Cigarette Dream

2 Weeks!

I ate so much over this weekend that I vomited on Saturday night.  Most likely it was do to a store bought Mexican dip that was a little questionable.  Even still, I didn't have to eat quite so much of it. Unfortunately, in these past weeks I've been stuffing my face uncontrollably to fill the cigarette void. Gum doesn't quite do the trick, and if I chew too much of it (especially cinnamon), I wake up the next day with canker sores.

To battle this horrible overeating chapter, I have been trying to compensate with overexercising. Thus far, out of 14 days sans cigarettes, I have spent 12 of them on the treadmill.  To tell you the truth exercising, (which I always hated), is probably the best part of my day now.  It is the only time where I am completely free of thoughts of smoking.

Over the course of the weekend I stayed at the house of my future in-laws who also happen to be smokers.  At one point I thought of stealing my future mother-in-law's coat just to inhale the damn thing.  Although the daily routine has gotten slightly easier as a "non-smoker", the challenge of facing the sporadic moments is almost like starting all over again from square one.  In these past two weeks I have started to get accustomed to going to work, coming home each time without the formally vital habitual cigarette.  But now I am faced with  "semi occasional routines" and new memory associations to conquer.  Just as you think you're starting to get the hang of it, a new association of your former smoker self pops up and each time you have to reassure yourself that isn't you anymore.  Instead, you need to remind yourself that you are the crazy eater that vomits at her friend's house and is ready to do "lines" of her mother-in-laws smokey winter coat...